Prepare to be edumacated and enlightenafied, Gentle Listener, as noted researchers Klee Baker, Wesley Johnson, E.J. Alcantara, Matt McCormick, and Randall Smith dive deep into the mysteries of science, bugs, games, and childish insights.

In this episode:
Matt attempts to get Randall to say that he did it perfectly; Randall rolls on. Microbiologist Kyle Baker finishing his sophomore year, researching mass zombification. Quick check re: microbiology chops. Kyle the Bug Nazi a Centipede player of old. Kyle says "intendo." Kyle henceforward to be known as "Klee." E.J. works for the Evil Empire. QA lead for Guitar Hero 5, CONFIRMED. The limits of QA feedback roles. E.J.'s favorite tester, and advice for software testers everywhere. A harrowing story of DS COD testing. E.J. is pretty good at drums on GH, except when he sucks. Also good at COD 4. E.J. soon to be married, actually. Wesley's latest account of dating, and then unsuccessfully lying to precocious children. A recap of Yaris damage. Wes going to PAX. Randall jealous. Matt pledges to attend PAX if Randall does. Randall more unhappy. Dragonslayer -- NDAs not included. Reference to Joystiq Podcast 99, when Wes discusses Infamous. Discontent with Prince of Persia. A heartwarming story of a dying child's wish to murder an animal.

Related links:
• Baking Powder Submarine FAQ
• World's Largest Baking Soda Volcano
• A boy's last wish...TO KILL

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

Remember that madcap bunch of crazy funsters who were the X3F Fancast Defense Force? No? Well, take it from me, Gentle Listener, that show did exist once upon a time, long before the M.E.A.P., Go! Gaming Giant, or other spinoff franchises. What have they been up to lately? Find out on this episode!

In this episode:
The gang's all here, sort of. The Yaris jumped by a sneaky wall. Horrific run-ins with automatic glass doors. Richard tubercular no more! Randall recovers his dulcimer. Dragonslayer, featuring Holly Attesi. Patrick impressing potential employers with podcasting experience; potentially shooting himself in foot by listing Holly as reference, particularly in that he lists her job as "superhero." Go! Gaming Giant now has an awesome video show. E3 excitement for 360 owners. Beatles Rock Band controllers -- gonna buy that Gretsch, Patrick?

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

Once again the show has been left to the likes of not Randall, which effectively means that Alexander Bevier, Dan Diemer, James Gillard, Wesley Johnson, and Jordan Wasilka are calling the shots. And the shots they call will confound and amaze you, Gentle Listener.

In this episode:
Jokes, jests, and japes at Randall's expense. Alexander is not from French, but from Washingtonian. Goes to college on the cheap and writes toward an English degree. Wants to be Leonard Maltin of videogames. Dumb jokes about college names. Meet Alexander: PAX veteran, volunteer, enforcer, and Pokemon proponent. Also loves the single player experience. Dragonslayer. Knockoff toys and t-shirts. UFC game pleases Gillard, who is now resolved to take up mixed martial arts. Infamous discussed. James suggests that this is the year to take the plunge and buy a PS3. Wes agrees. Wii Punch-Out!!! hits the nail on the head, says Dan. The problem of originality in Wii game design. Insulinfunk.net plugged ad nauseum. PSP Go discussion. E3 hopes and fears. Fahrenheit. Dan complains of canine flatulence. Alan Wake debated. Wesley reads from a website. The dietary impacts of teleportation. Spider-man's powers considered from a realistic perspective. Wes's diabetic powers imagined at length. Marie's public/private D&D campaign posting. James big into Public Enemy lately. Other favorite groups discussed. Books about videogames introduced with flair by Alexander. The sad decline of John Romero. Megaman haiku. The Bioshock novel, and Bioshock 2. Ineffectively quieted ukelele strumming my fate in the background.

Related links:
• Ryan O'Donnell's twitter feed
• Masters of Doom
• EGM Now!

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

Wondering where the show's been? Working its butt off, that's where. Fortunately for you, Gentle Listener, hosts Russ Walsh, Matt Darrow, Randall Smith, Richard Elliott, and Wesley Johnson are here to fill the void, late as they are.

In this episode:
Matt builds planes, likes fighting games. REALLY likes fighting games. First take of this episode lost in time. Russ crayoning, and a crayoning playground bully. Richard non-plussed by conversation so far. Now running G3 podcast, and writing for Go! Gaming Giant. Also kinda tubercular. Dragonslayers, emotional and otherwise. Five Guys burgers. Terrifying and/or hilarious Youtube videos. Gillard's bike swiped anew. Parody movies. Gulliver's Travels: a compendium of excremental onomatopoeia? Swift's misanthropy exemplified. More food descriptions than you can handle.

Related links:
• Five Guys Burgers and Fries
• Vin Diesel on helium (Friday Night with Jonathan Ross)
• Snuffleupagus's first terrifying appearance
• Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus trailer
• Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
• Who is Jon Black? ("Gravity" theme from the Joystiq Podcast)
• "The Lady's Dressing Room" (Poem by Jonathan Swift) at Poem of the Week
• Zaxby's

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

Ever wonder what's it's like to go green? Then you're in luck, Gentle Listener. Hip[pie/ster] hosts Ben Udashen, Wesley Johnson, Nick Coffman, Jarret Green, and Randall Smith are here to hacky-sack with you. Indeed much of the show is dedicated to working out personal beefs/tofus.

In this episode:
Ben's a Dallas emigré, now residing in Olympia, Wa, and mostly games on his PC. Nick a native of Olympia now residing in Yelm, WA, and like Ben also at THE Evergreen State College. Nick is a cheapskate and only buys bargain games. Also, a bot-biased gamer. A brief appreciation of older games with bots. Great deals on Crackdown and other games at New Egg. Jarret implements Squash the Beef Friday in his classroom; has to explain concept repeatedly to un-hip students. Jarret not exactly bumping chests with fellow teachers. Jarret takes in a Flight of the Conchords concert; FoTC roundly appreciated by all. Wes returns from Spinal Tap: Unwigged & Unplugged, and provides a report. Also, meets a single flight attendant at the show. Jokes about joking about joking, at one another's expense. All roads lead to Yelm. Dragonslayer: Plants Vs. Zombies (Wes), Dragon Quest V (Ben), GTA: Chinatown Wars (Jarret), Fable II (Nick), and Crackdown (Randall). Cheap games at New Egg! Beard survey, taken and discussed. Beardlessness lamented by Nick, Jarret, and Randall; Wes and Ben content with their facial lots. Star Trek discussed. Randall recommends the Creative Screenwriting podcast with a caveat. Three out of four other hosts recommend Star Trek to Jarret; three out of four other hosts think Nick Coffman is an unappreciative clod. Star Wars One-Minute Fanfic Theatre. Nick Coffman just a bit too eager to pen Angel fanfic. Lost ending debated, and the word "poutrage" makes an appearance. Note: our hosts this week mistake the statue on the island as Anubis; it's clearly identified elsewhere as Sobek.

Related links:
• Newegg games under $10 (360/PS3)
• Beards.org beard survey
• Creative Screenwriting Magazine's blog/podcast
• Star Wars fanfiction at starwarschix.com

Music:
Manualist performance of Twentieth Century Fox theme by R.A. Wilson, viewable here. Manualist performance of Star Wars Cantina theme by Gerry Phillips, viewable here. Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

What's in this episode, you ask? Who knows? Not me, Gentle Listener. Hosts Oscar Mancia, Holly Attesi, Dan Diemer, Wesley Johnson, and Yaniv Pereyaslavsky do, though, and they are about to lay it on you. Oh, the suspense!

In this episode:
Oscar the greatest drummer the JPAG Show has ever known. A big Wii fan, and unimpressed with the 360. Holly heads to Maine for vacation; has no chow-daa. It's not like that, Gentle Listener. Based on voice, Holly possibly a burly man; Mike Tyson used as point of reference. Holly acquires a green DS Lite; predictions of regret made. Oblivion mods discussed, yearned for. Fallout 3 a depressing place to game, apparently. Dan wants fauna and flora; also wants to kill Moira. Wes's despotic boss not a "tyrant," he claims. Wolverine commercial cameo. Yaniv, Dalibor Dimovski, and Ryan Gan now powering SideQuesting.com. Dali headed to E3! Dan explains why Randall is missing this week. Yaniv guarantees he will never be on another JPAG Show. Dan takes advantage of background noise to nosh. 3D Realms's death, discussed. Duke Nukem Forever = Chinese Democracy of games. 1 VS 100 considered. Oscar goes to see Maps and Atlases, and is impressed. Wes takes a leave of absence for several critical minutes, and returns to discuss forum postings. Battlefield Heroes enthusiasm. Appreciation for Twitter. The perks of a man on the inside at Gamestop.

Related links:
• Cygnus (Oscar's Band)
• SideQuesting.com
• Maps and Atlases

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

Wondering what you should be doing right about now, Gentle Listener? Asking yourself where you can pick up some phat game tunes? Wishing more podcasts began and ended with dereliction of duty by the host? Hosts Matt McCormick, Jesse Gregory, Clayton Ashley, Matt Wetzel, and Randall Smith aim to scratch those itches, GL, and their aim is true.

In this episode:
Identity theft. The etymology of vittles, and what happens when Randall leaves to go consult the OED. A disturbingly cerebral story of flatulence. Matt wrapping up the term and the papers thereunto associated. Jesse Gregory AKA Mainfinger AKA JG-05, pimps his album Mode 7. Turns out it's awesome, actually. Clayton now running Jayplay at the Kansan. A tale of journalistic fraud. The return of Matt M. Dragonslayer! Hydrox origin stories. DS buying decisions, revisited. Nightmares of console acquisition remembered. The New Cypress news, delivered by Matt M; faithfulness to actual text somewhat in question. Moral controversy in war games considered. A brief lexical symposium re: "plethora." Tom De Haven's It's Superman! recommended.

Related links:
• Mode 7 (Album) at Mainfinger.com
• Wikipedia entries: Samurai Shodown / Klonoa: Door to Phantomile / Hydrox cookies
• Jayplay (U of Kansas Newspaper)
• It's Superman! by Tom De Haven
• Gallery of Regrettable Food at lileks.com

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. New Cypress News music: "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network.

Feeling a bit left out, Gentle Listener? Wondering just what you have to do to win friends and influence JPAGers? Despairing that anyone will ever truly know you? Fret no longer, Friend. Hosts Scott Reeser, Wesley Johnson, Randall Smith, and Tom Johnson are here to invite you into the inner circle. And if you don't come willingly, Zach the Giant will squash you into a bloody pulp, wipe you off his boot, and toss you into the garbage like a leftover Slurpee. Also, don't try stealing from him.

In this episode:
Updates from one and all. Scott and Zach playing WoW; Tom enjoying the corner office at the student paper. Wes gives one last update on the romance angle, which is immediately put into perspective by Tom's own story of S.O. horror. Dragonslayer returns in full! Randall eats last week's words re: Assassin's Creed. Subtle attempts to determine whether or not Zach is a possible angle on getting early games. Fifty Cent: BoTS still a great game, says Tom. Wes enjoys Ninja Blade in much the same way. Achievements as a thang discussed, again. Randall wants a weighted achievement cred algorithm. Sequels and tired franchises, considered. Notable JPAG discussion threads discussed. Overlooked gems in this-gen games. A slang dictionary for the youth ministry set. New Cypress News, a year in arrears. The JPAG an inhospitable place for newcomers? Hazing rituals for noobs.

Related links:
• The Source 4 YM - Slang Dictionary
• Mike Tyson's Brunch Out!!

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. New Cypress News music: "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network.

It's an ill-fated overcrowded show, whose hosts include Sam Dixon, Wesley Johnson, Russ Walsh, Kyle Collis, Dan Diemer, and Randall Smith. The show itself pays the price for their technical hubris, choosing a particularly unfortunate moment to cease recording. Oh well, Gentle Listener: you've certainly heard worse, and on this show, too. Come to think of it, given last week's ramble-a-thon, it might be for the best anyway.

In this episode:
Sam Dixon has an Xbox video card failure. He also fails to pick up on Randall's tone of jest in suggesting he "power through it". Anticipation for Brutal Legend building. JPAG Show time is not pots and pans time, Shelley. Shelley proves intractable. Insulinfunk pimped.The design of Insulinfunk ridiculed, in a transparent reverse-psychology move by Diemer. Kyle Collis from American Football Predecessor, UK. Kyle studying computer game design at university, learning to tighten up graphics on level three. Wes's dating woes: an update. Wes's dad still lost in Yaris delirium. Randall makes a veiled crack at expense of the Columbus meet-up. The allusion goes unnoticed. Dan raiding bargain bins for games. A brief transition from Assassin's Creed into LOL meme possibilities. Roy laments the loss of most of this week's Dragonslayer. Thanks, Pamela, for a tech glitch that saved our audience from boring discussion of iPhone games.* This week in JPAG discussion: games you have lied about finishing. Disney characters -- why should anyone care? Dreamworks and Pixar: imitation as the sincerest form of venality. Tweets reviewed, and the return of Matt M to form in that medium. Twitter a hostile work environment for limerick writers, claims Dan. Creative Screenwriting podcast recommended. Dan watching Firefly, and applauded for doing so. The official hat of the Hero of Canton admired. Media remote for 360 recommended by Dan. Domo Kun explained to the uninitiated. In a weird inversion, Russ throws out a Zork reference that goes completely uncaught by Randall and Wes. Casting choices for Captain America, considered. The Battlefield Heroes beta, exciting Dan.

*Disclaimer: No, Randall does not have an iPhone. He is obviously bored by it, and wouldn't even accept it if offered one for free. Probably.

Yeah, that's right.

What?

Related Links:
• "Tightening Up the Graphics"
• The Difference Between Pixar and Dreamworks
• Creative Screenwriting Podcast
• Jayne Hoodie at Think Geek
• Lego Leap of Faith (used for this week's banner)

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

It's taken thirty-two episodes to get any South African ingredients, Gentle Listener, but at last, your short order is cooked up and ready. And it's biggie-sized, not only because it features Ben Pack, Wesley Johnson, Ludwig Kietzmann, and Randall Smith, but also because it's twice as long as usual.

In this episode:
New folks sized up and welcomed. Pikmin joke gets lost on everyone but Ludwig, who silently resents being unappreciated. Ben spins a tall tale or two about life and journalism. Wes laments getting dumped by someone way too young for him anyway. Possible final dumper/dumpee exchanges discussed. An update on the development of Wingdamage.com. Why hasn't Ludwig been on the show yet? Ludwig is a blogger, not a game "journalist." Ludwig's favorite company vis-a-vis PR. Ludwig's actual role at Joystiq, and what he loves the most to do: write. The man who reads every single word on the site. A few questions about coaching writers, from an editorial perspective. A challenge to the JPAG to appreciate Ludwig's attention to detail and grammar. Dragonslayer! Dreamcast games then and now. The Emerald City Comicon, and Jonah's fantastic experience at it. Bryan Lee O'Malley's Scott Pilgrim plugged by Randall. The good videogame movies, listed by good videogame movie expert Ludwig K. A slight detour into Raul Julia appreciation, that ends with a venomous recommendation. A high-falutin' discussion of games to be played versus games to be gamed, using Iroquois Pliskin's blog as a starting point.

Links noted:
• LivingXL
• Wingdamage.com
• Scott Pilgrim
• Versus CluClu Land
• The Geek Hierarchy

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

Of all the faults this here show may be said to have, Gentle Listener, I hope it may not be accused of being overly direct and to the point. To wit: 130 minutes of Shandyian rambling await you, but hosts James Gillard, Wesley Johnson, Clayton Ashley, Rob Coleman, and Randall Smith are intent on conveying you to nowhere in the most fashionable method possible. Righty-O!

In this episode:
Rob Coleman: father, gamer, and financier of death. The pitfalls of parenting a young gamer, with no precedents for digital moderation. A fond look back at the early days of the JPAG. Russ Walsh's odd "appreciation" for James. Clayton introduces us to the Name of the Year Sweet Sixteen tournament. Wes's new wheels, and his dad's unseemly fixation on MPG ratings and perpetual automotive debt. Dragonslayer! The merits of GTA: Chinatown Wars. Which DS should you buy? The rise and fall of gaming communities, and the transcendent timelessness of the JPAG in comparison. A segue into the mind of fanboys. Clayton's insignificant book recommendation. The news from New Cypress. Chick Tracts as famous scare-vangelism. This week's JPAG memes: Omegle membership drive, and awesomely bad movies.

Links noted:
• Name of the Year
• Veeps: Profiles in Insignificance
• Chick Tracts
• Mazes and Monsters link at IMDB
• New Cypress News Twitter Feed

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. New Cypress News music: "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network.

Hosts for the first part of this show include Holly Attesi, Zachary Williams, Russ Walsh, Matt Wetzel, Jordan Wasilka, and Randall Smith. Hosts for the second, Columbus-y part? Wesley Johnson, Marie Barnes, and Jarret Green.

In this episode:
Zach, the gentle giant who becomes a raging jotun when he catches kids stealing at work. Moreover, a massive migrant, apparently, continually oscillating between Danieltown and the Chesapeake Bay area. Zach a fan of Rock Band. All hosts fans of Rock Band in comparison to Guitar Hero; Zach also a fan of The Sword. Matt Wetzel in school majoring in Political Science. Matt a diehard mouse and keyboard control guy, and thus a PC gamer. Jordan and Randall recount their latest Street Fighter IV clashes. Russ explains Bison Month at Eegra.com (whence our art for this week's banner and mp3 art comes). Dragonslayer! Zach wandering through Dracula's upside-down castle, abusing a candlestick for money. Russ cannot say "Broken Telephone" without his voice itself breaking up. Whole lot of Peggle playing going on. Potato chip crunching not appreciated on GDC Joystiq podcast #1. More blather about SFIV: Jordan paranoid about feedback. OnLive discussed again as a viable medium; arguments for and against. Discussion of Zelda, and the latest game announcement from GDC. The viability of the franchise in general, and how it might be improved. Minish Cap an expensive investment. Games in which the hosts have all the achievements (a very short discussion). Prototype and Modern Warfare 2 look great. Mega Man on the iPhone? Street Fighter Theme disappointing on iGoogle. Zach makes a plea for people to friend him; with any luck he will not have RROD'ed before he can accept.

And then it's off to Columbus to hang with Jarret, Wes, and Marie at the meet-up. What have they been up to? Only you will know, Gentle Listener, if you listen to the second half of this special episode.

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

It's the Chicago Meetup episode, and the twenty-ninth in this here show. The first part happens at Randall's place, and features TJ McKimmey, Jeff LeClerc, Ryan Gan, Dali Dimovsky, and Aaron Kirchhoff. The second part takes place at the Lincoln Tap Room in Lakeview, with three hours of beer for twenty bucks. Beat that, Columbus.

In this episode:
Introductions all around, and true confessions of pre-meeting anxieties. Dragonslayer. After a bit of discussion on Amazon's used games, some grousing about Gamestop's "new" games, E74 and RROD disasters, and a surprise vegetable delivery, the crew breaks for Rock Band. Action resumes at the Lincoln Tap Room, where several additional JPAGers make their appearances: Mike McGarrigle, Alvin Bataan, Ryan Mulvaney, Oscar Mancia, and every woman who had to use the Ladies Room while we played Rock Band.

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

In this episode, hosts Jordan Wasilka, Marie Barnes, Wesley Johnson, Patrick Young, and Randall Smith chat you up, Gentle Listener, and chat about chatting you up in person. That is, when they aren't talking over one another or arguing about which meet-up is better.

In this episode:
An early attempt to exorcise the urge to interrupt one another, staged. Say hello to Jordan and Patrick. The delights of reading Ray Bradbury, newly discovered by Jordan. The film version of Fahrenheit 451 recommended, in poor taste, by Wesley. The Dark Knight Returns preferred to The Watchmen, by Jordan and Randall. Both expect serious flaming. Batman vs. Superman, a better face-off than Batman vs. The Joker. Neither as compelling as Jordan vs. Justin on Fable 2, newly posted on InsulinFunk. Patrick, a consummate Rock Band gee-tarist, and a newly appointed administrator of Go! Gaming Giant and a new host of the G3 podcast. Vega, a terrible character in Street Fighter IV; also, Vega players terrible people. Yodel that, Wasilka. Marie still in the hunt for a job in the game industry -- send any prospects her way, folks. Good games for playing while sick. Wes heading to see Superdrag. Shadow of the Colossus appreciated. Magic the Gathering victory, related by Marie using vocal leetspeak. Halo Wars and other console strategy games discussed. Being wrong, demonstrated by Randall several times for the sake of illustration. Street Fighter IV gripes, entertained. XBL Gold not a Homeric gift from Randall to his wife. Really. The extended and rigorous examination process used to qualify potential JPAG Show candidates. The Chicago and Columbus meet-ups contrasted, much to the credit of the Chicago meetup. It really helps that I write these notes. Review of JPAG Photoshops, and notable discussion threads.

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

Yeah, so it's late. You gotta problem with that, buddy? If so, take it up with hosts Wesley Johnson, Russ Walsh, Jonah Gregory, Jeff LeClerc, and Randall Smith. I'm sure they'll just looooove to hear your complaint.

In this show:
A brief, freedom-flavored correction of pronunciation. Jeff, the former actor turned computer student. Jeff learned to play mandolin in eight easy weeks of instruction, and may play "Little Wing" for you as soon as he gets his own instrument. The return of Russ, to issue a correction and do his folks proud. Another appearance by Jonah, here to pimp his new show and comic release. Retrogame Challenge appreciated by Russ. Russ takes his Shakespearean wits for a walk, at the expense of the rest of the hosts; gosh, he's great. More about the creator of Johnny Platform's Biscuit Romp. Eternal Darkness appreciated. Randall's Street Fighter complaints. Jonah's suggestion: beat Dragon's Lair for a Dragonslayer. All about Wingdamage.com and Barrel Roll, its podcast. But wait, there's more Jonah: the new Here There Be Robots collection now available in trade paperback! Jeff pimps the 3/21 Chicago JPAG meetup at the Lincoln Tap Room. Confirm, folks, confirm for the date. Do it now, in the JPAG. A typically empty promise to edit out extraneous conversation. Amazon deals, which Jeff has been all over. An open call for more reviews of community games.

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

The show returns to quality, at least from an audio perspective. Hosts James Gillard, Wesley Johnson, Russ Walsh, Clayton Ashley, and Randall Smith gibber and jabber about jelly, G-Unit, and games of all sorts, and do so in the context of new theme music to boot.

In this episode:
Russ lives in boring, periodically-invaded-by-Mongols Eastern Washington. Clayton working at the paper, and we are all looking forward to the Watchmen movie. James bangs around on his desktop through the episode. James working on a curriculum integrating use of Rock Band and/or Guitar Hero in his school. James puts Randall down for uttering the trademark sounds and sound effects from Little Britain. "Help the Police" from Rush Hour pimped. James's karaoke success. Clayton not following Battlestar Galactica, like a chump. Clayton over the moon on Noby Noby Boy, and still enthused about Homeworld. Wesley playing Fiddy's BoTS. Ben Gilbert's life in danger. The latest gems from the New Cypress News. Murderous book recommendations. Hatred for Edison and love for Tesla, in some detail. Great Sci-Fi movies never made, and the book that tells all. Crank recommended. The premise for the sequel to Crank questioned. The progress of the Chicago JPAG Meetup. The disappointing absence of Wes at the Chicago JPAG Meetup. Inappropriate photos on the JPAG. The amusing other Joystiq fan group and Russ's infiltration thereof. Threads in the JPAG, from "Who'da Thunk It?" to "Redemption in Games."

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from songs by The Long Winters, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Intro from "Shapes"; outro from "Scared Straight." You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. This week's art an homage to Shawn Wolfe's art design for the WIPtF album.

In an extremely irritating twist, an update to Skype resets our recorded audio format to the lowest possible quality. No, Gentle Listener, this week's hosts Randall Smith, Wesley Johnson, Benjamin Gilbert, Matt McCormick, and Jarret Green did not record the show into a coffee can or trumpet mute, howsoever difficult you may find it to credit that assertion after hearing the show.

In this episode:
A Morning Zoo opening. The origin and proper pronunciation of "Mattholomew," detailed. Jokes at the expense of diabetics, made by diabetics. What Jarret's been up to: his neck in snow, for a week, apparently. Ben types loudly. Jarret enjoying a 7-minute commute; no longer enjoying podcasts to any great extent. A promise to liveblog/ustream the amputation of his feet, made by Wes, in the event he comes to that pass. Jarret recommends the new M. Ward CD, and is seconded by Matt. Ben is mistaken for that guy from Death Cab for Cutie. Ben reports from his time writing for Joystiq. He is a busy man, and reads other sites far less frequently. Ben's Xbox still at MS. He finished watching Band of Brothers, and was blown away. The fate of Matt's repaired 360, disclosed; also revealed, Matt's wife's suspicious disposition. Craig's list produces a trade for a slightly used Ipod Touch, battery not included. Sketchy references to To Catch a Predator. Wes playing Retrogame Challenge. Wes steps into HDTV land -- Woot! Wes out of debt. Ben on MGS4 and Pixeljunk Eden, but not on Flow'r. Noby Noby Boy described in the most prurient fashion imaginable. Jarret playing text games and loving them. Randall plugs PercussONE, having played and enjoyed it. Street Fighter IV blathered on about at length, including comments on controller choices. Matt gets to the end credits in Burnout Paradise, having reached an A-Level license. Has glitchy fun with GTA: The Lost and the Damned. And then the hosts of this here episode consider the questions raised in Part Two of Shawn Elliott's Symposium severally.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

Because he hadda open his fat mouth, Robin Gillham was dragooned into helping host this week's extremely JPAG-focused show, alongside Tom Johnson, Randall Smith, and Wesley Johnson. Not enough JPAG, you say? Blame Robin, this week! At least, until he drops from the show.

In this episode:
Rob's reasons for not appearing on the show to date, explained. Robin in 6-form. Finds English literature to be very demanding; interested in Biology, but more interested in the comparatively easier field of politics. Robin 17 going on 18. Has his exams in two months time -- not looking forward to it. Robin from Chester, an old town with old buildings. Robin a recent PS3 acquirer. Robin claims to know German, but "forgot." Knows a suspicious-sounding German insult. Tom Johnson now in school again, and being charged without credit for painful math experiences. Now also playing the part of copyeditor for the school newspaper. His website, http://scriptedevents.com, getting underway, and to focus on original content. Looking for more people to help, he is. Some advice and commiseration from Wesley, founder and chief shill for http://insulinfunk.net. Killzone 2 discussed as a competent shooter. Operation Anchorage appreciated by Wesley. The travails of the Nuka-Cola Challenge. Already obsolete references to the L4D sale at Steam. Randall managing to collect the shreds of his dignity and give props to Clayton et al for the epic pwnage of L4D. Dave Trevaskis now persona non grata. South Africans still beating their schoolchildren. Tom playing Audiosurf. Tom gets an A on his paper about notable press personalities AKA Justin McElroy. Justin's tree-hating post in the JPAG, and his Shorty Awards acceptance speech for the visually impaired. An anecdote of a false burglar alarm and a genuinely disconcerting lack of response from police, as told by Wesley. Randall narrates a vignette from days of his youth in support of the claim that roundhouse kicks and fire alarms do not mix well. Conventions, the stars that attend them, the fans who want pictures with those stars, and the dollars in the pockets of said fans forked over to said stars for said pictures. The Chicago JPAG Meetup pre-empted by a cooking class. Robin Gillham pre-empted by technical difficulties. Matt M's challenge to the JPAG: what to do with a repaired 360 console? Tom Johnson's early response to the question: give it to him, the poor sap. A highly suspicious email read.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

This the twenty-thirde episode of this here show features the listenable likes of Yaniv Pereyaslavsky, Clayton Ashley, Marie Barnes, Wesley Johnson, and Randall Smith. Some of us would have preferred to stay in bed, some of us should have stayed in bed, and some of us sound as if we did in fact stay in bed for the entirety of this 83-minute show.

In this episode:
Clayton conducting boring interviews at school. Marie playing Magic the Gathering, and building a control deck. A what? Marie explaining MtG deck creation. Marie fears she bores you, Gentle Listener; you protest otherwise. Randall makes another idle threat to edit out offensiveness. All about Go! Gaming Giant, and what Yaniv is up to now. An Episode the Fifthe joke becomes a sudden reality. A dilatory Doritos discussion. Clayton lists his Dragonslayer in Far Cry 2 fashion. Clayton reveals Drop 7, a game regarded by Randall as more properly named Drop 666. Randall continues to play L4D, and continues to painfully eke out achievements. Wes plays handhelds in the dark. Marie enjoying No More Heroes, thanks to Secret Santa Jeff Mondloch. The New Cypress News, and a Spirit-filled interjection in another column. Marie's Top Ten Lines Former Boyfriends Should Have Said, Instead of What They Did Say, the Bums. Yaniv gets in a last-minute plug for Go! Gaming Giant.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood. New Cypress News music: "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network (http://music.podshow.com).

This week drops megaton after megaton in 122 planet-busting minutes, thanks to the dead-on accuracy and skill of audio bombadiers Wesley Johnson, Ben Gilbert, Matt McCormick, Randall Smith, and Chris Grant.

In this episode:
Chris living in a box. Beer tastes compared. The absurd distribution method of beer in Philadephia, lamented, and its deleterious effect on trying new snob beers.

The virtues of Sam's Wine and Spirits, extolled. Why Wes does not drink, and how he achieves the same effect without alcohol. An amusing story of Wes imperiling people with automobiles and catatonic trances. Ben's machine RRODs, after an abortive RB2 tour. Chris revising his story, admitting to living in several boxes.

Randall's bathroom a disaster. Chris and Randall compare notes on power tools. A brief nervous dart into manly sports discussion, thankfully over quickly, and transitioning immediately in virtual manliness with Dragonslayer. Ben playing MGS4, on Chris' borrowed PS3. Ben not into stealth gaming; Chris not into Ben not being into stealth gaming. Chris initially not into Fallout 3; Chris now into Fallout 3, and out of time. Not playing Fable II anymore, and glad to be off the juice. Please do not bring the subject up, lest he fall off the wagon. Wes glad to be A) not frozen in ice, and B) able to game at all. Playing Chrono Trigger on the DS. Apparently there are folks with thicker accents than Wes. Matt playing a ton of Eternal Sonata, to free himself up to play a ton of Lost Odyssey. Reveals his favorite emails written by himself. Randall playing L4D, witnesses a formative moment in the life of a soon-to-be-foulmouthed youngster. L4D tactics discussed. Ben wondering what kind of computer he needs to play L4D on Steam.

Megaton Revelation! A new Joystiq employee. That employee wonders what his job actually might be. That employee is charged with coffee retrieval, and behind-the-scenes wiki updating and organization. Joystiq comments, and the long-lasting scars of early days. Ideas for efficiently managing Joystiq trolls. That new employee actually directs listeners on how to handle comments.

All things Ultrastiq, deliberated. Chris talks about stuff that he isn't supposed to say; then lowers his voice. That new employee now has Banhammer access. The risks of audience reception with any redesign, considered. Fanboy sites merge with Joystiq to form Devastator. Chris's girlfriend revealed as a Scrabble addict, and sometime hustler. Justin now Reviews Editor. Chris reading Haruki Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. Banana Yoshimoto's N.P. suggested. The Omnivore's Dilemma a read mandated by both Matt and Chris. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell lauded yet again. Wesley recommends Wal-Mart romance fantasy favorite Heart of the Dragon, supposedly in irony; irony suspect. Names for Dave and Charly's youngun, brainstormed. Malt-O-Meal cereals discussed.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

In this 95-minute instantly available show, hosts Aaron Kirchhoff, Wesley Johnson, Holly Attesi, James Gillard, and Randall Smith fight the horrors of irregularly available entertainment. Off and on, anyway.

In this episode:
Aaron Kirchhoff - Vet in the making; also interested in "exotics." This term never defined on-air for reasons of decency. His educated opinion on the question of canine afterlife. The inadvisable inhalation of pipe smoke. Aaron's home remedy for 360 disc read problems. Aaron squeezing the last drop of life out of each game. Aaron the curmudgeon? No, just shy and silently hating you. A quick tally of fistfight records among the hosts. James's Fable II fighting record not nearly as impressive as his real-life fighting record. James playing LucasArts games. Wes playing Evidence: the Last Ritual. The virtues of a mic pop screen implicitly extolled. James reformed by his spouse in Fable II; Fallout 3 not as morally compelling. Randall still playing L4D, and really bad. Randall's poor performance a source of hope and inspiration to Aaron and James. The Sunday L4D game meetup. A JPAG Game Night calendar created (http://jpaggamenight.brianweis.net/), courtesy of Brian Weis. A belated discussion of Christmas Invasion reception by Joystiq commenters. James irritated by the dry forum in the JPAG. Johnny Platform's Biscuit Romp, heralded by James as a long-awaited answer to his plea for more Battenberg cake inclusion in games. Battenburg cakes, explained, and linked to James' mysterious past. Biscuits on either side of the pond. Notable links to biscuitpedia-type sites. Mornington Crescent explained, in a manner of speaking. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, lauded by James. Thrilling stateside access to Red Dwarf on Netflix. James envious, and called a smeghead by Randall. Then, James gets dropped. King of Kong, appreciated by Randall. Primer, recommended by Wes. Holly Attesi elected the most popular JPAG Show guest host. Suspicion cast upon the circumstances surrounding said election. Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler - a champion, contends James. Gamestop lending practices debated again.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

In this show, hosts Dan Diemer, Wesley Johnson, Josh Hernandez, Randall Smith, and Jeff Mondloch perform to the delight of young and old, and may even startle you, Gentle Listener, with their madcap antics.

In this episode:
Welcome to Josh, who determines right here, on this show, to call himself a game developer, and then shortly thereafter promotes himself to game producer. His impressive past as a web developer with TripleTags (http://www.tripletags.com), and as founder of Section Z (http://www.sectionz.com). His impressive present with Metamoorephosis (http://www.metamoorephosis.com). His perverse preference for poor games, particularly Karate Kid. Bad ideas for Wii Karate Kid peripherals. Captain Novolin repped yet again -- stop it, Wes. Jeff found ignorant of Newtonian physics and Battlestar Galactica. Josh disappointed with BSG opener. Dan renders himself ridiculous. Dragonslayer. Wes not impressed with LOTR: Conquest. Jeff kicks boo-tay in Left 4 Dead; complains about Expert difficulty. Also begins playing the game wrong, by shooting teammates. Also, coins "producing" as a term for boosting achievements. Amusing stories of jerk payback in L4D. Josh solves the Dead Space gametape. Randall completes his shady dealings with GH: Aerosmith. Jeff establishes the Buy Shit for Jeff Mondloch Foundation. Dan Diemer determines to make his own arcade joystick. Josh draws back the curtain on the life of a game developer. His partner Justin Moore's intelligence, ascertained at genius level. The indispensable value of learning team dynamics in becoming a game developer. PercussONE a submission to the IGF Student competition. PercussONE also a frenetic multiplayer game, as Dan attests. Programming and XNA chat for the technically inclined. Holly Attesi crowned as favorite JPAGP guest host, under suspicious circumstances. Wes relates the News from New Cypress. Randall remembers a time when Griffin was not so particular about awarding the Brush With Fame (and a cameo by Stephanie Adams follows). A cell phone periodically provides accompaniment throughout the show.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood. New Cypress News music excerpted from "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network (http://music.podshow.com).

In a 95-minute valediction forbidding mourning, hosts Dan Diemer, Wesley Johnson, Randall Smith, Benjamin Gilbert, and Matt McCormick speak reverently of the dearly departed. Sort of.

In this show:
A new life in the gutter; or, how Ben picked a great time to start a career in game journalism. How to contact game journos. Dragonslayers of epic proportions. Dan relates a harrowing tale of when bad zombies go good. Ben finally learns to love the Final Fantasy series. The merits of the soon-to-be-upon-us DSi. The passing of EGM and 1UP into the West, and the end of the Third Age of game journalism. A moment of silence sullied. Matt attempts at several moments to boost support for his bid as the JPAGP guest host of choice. Games for kids thread considered. The lack of a Joystiq Podcast Episode for the week lamented. Another moment of silence observed, and similarly ruined.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

In this longish episode, a new JPAGer draws near! And an old one turns up again! Tom Johnson, Wesley Johnson, Randall Smith, Chris Miller, and Clayton Ashley host what is probably not a total waste of your media player space. Especially if you have one of the really big Ipods, Gentle Listener.

Notes for this here episode:
Introducing Tom Johnson, Toys R Us Man, suspected Wii thief and aspiring Journalism student. Chris returns to us at the turn of the tide, and from playing Wrath of the Lich King ad infinitum. Clayton dashes for some delicious Doritos destruction, and then attempts to redeem his street cred by surveying notable independent games, including Multiwinia, Defcon, Trackmania, and Crayon Physics. JPAGers Joshua Hernandez and Justin Moore developing a game called PercussONE, as an entry in the Independent Games Festival. Clayton pimps Binary Zoo games, and Beyond the Red Line. Forum posts reviewed. Spore as the biggest disappointment of 2008. Randall refuses to edit anything out ever again. Chris stuns all by going Gold with XBL.

New Year's Resolutions fulfilled, by Clayton. 2009's anticipated titles, including Noby Noby Boy. Wes watches the Joystiq UStream version of the VGA awards. New Year's Eve stories shared: we are all losers, except for Wes, who has a mannequin fetish, was approached by a pusher, and who opened his Christmas gifts alone. Chris considers his Short Round action figure more exciting than watching West Wing. He is wrong, of course, poor benighted lad. Wes gives the run down on the latest ancillary Lost material, and is excited for the next season to begin. Battlestar Galactica's props on sale: Clayton and Randall gnashing their teeth for want of money. Wes holds out a fool's hope for Heroes; Randall slams the door on the episode at 1:39.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

In this 124-minute bonanza of holiday cheer, Dan Diemer, Matt M., Holly Attesi, and Randall Smith play to your gaming hopes and fears, and to your sense of mellerdrammer, Gentle Listener.

Notes for this show:
Cut right to Dragonslayer. PSP as a JRPG platform. The iPod as a serious game platorm? Dan doesn't think so! Holly now boasts two 360s, and two copies of Left 4 Dead. Matt breathes heavily (repeat 100x). Dan considering headphone options. Matt writing for insulinfunk; Marie attempting to roust players up for an MMO. Guild Wars discussed. Shawn Elliott's Symposium, considered at length. Metacritic's value assessed and reaffirmed. The issue considered by folks who listen to podcasts for entertainment. Giant Bomb reveling in subjectivity. X3F dissed; Richard Mitchell appreciated. Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers as the original griefing game: perfect to take Soulja Boy down a notch. Hi Stephen. IGN: the drinker's podcast. The Guild appreciated, and a relative dearth of similar gaming entertainment lamented. Dan freaking opened his Secret Santa, and reveals it on the show. Randall decides to be cool and opens his, on the show. Randall resolves to hoard the Wine Gums. Personal choices for GOTY, debated. The Five-Word Story, Chapter One, in audiobook format; JPAG hopes you have enjoyed this program.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

In what can only be termed a mystically perfect 108 minutes' worth of verbal gadding about, this episode features hosts Clayton Ashley, Dan Diemer, Jeff Mondloch, Wesley Johnson, and Randall Smith.

In this episode:
Introducing Jeff Mondloch, man about town, about high school, and also man about retro gaming. Dan makes a joke conflating Engineering classes and the Engineer class. It gets missed. A long-winded tale of woe re: Black Friday and fruitless waiting for an Xbox deal. Jeff's lazy gift-giving parents, exposed. Circuit City: finally returning to the past whence they came. Jeff on the hunt for a Jasper. A segue concerning Segways. The utility of hometown malls in a zombie apocalypse. Clayton's karma-losing strategy for obtaining a new hard drive at the expense of his younger brothers. Dragonslayer. Randall receives surprise gift from the members of JPAG; Wesley, Dan, James, and Matt M. prove themselves the coolest pals around. Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates recommended for dog lovers with spiritual leanings. Embarrassing high school stories related. How to stop pesky kids from rolling your house. Proposed: audiobook version of the Five-Word Story thread. JPAG Secret Santa underway. Matt M.'s true and unenviable lot, revealed by himself in a recovered audio log.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood. Heavenly music: "Heavenly Peace" by Colie Brice, available on the Podsafe Music Network (http://music.podshow.com).

In this 88-minute textbook example of a hard-hitting audio exposé, hosts Wesley Johnson, Ben Gilbert, and Randall Smith dig the dirt, rake the muck, and press the yellow on journalism, game-related, Greenville-centric and otherwise.

Show notes for this episode:
Ben, about to graduate. His future plans, previewed for insiders like you, Gentle Listener. Ben's freelancing career, in brief. The literary steeplechase that is magazine writing today, lamented. Game journos, and the problem of free games and schwag. Ben's perspective on the issue as a young journo at a young, self-funded site (http://www.geekadelphia.com). A sideswipe taken at evil anti-Joystiq Kotaku. An anecdote of Destructoid staff's unprofessional comportment at E3. The changing use-value of game reviews. Ben considers Jeff Gerstmann's opinion suspect because of his singular devotion to the MK series. A disturbing segue into Twilight. Wesley's poppin' good mic skillz. How to make your choral recording less consonant-y, should the opportunity arise to make one at all. Dragonslayer: Ben and Mirror's Edge (+ an agonizing review), Wes and Jet Grind Radio, and Randall with FO3, again. The concept of love, understood. "Deep-Dish Discount," coined. Ben reveals he has no soul and is accordingly perfectly poised to pan games from sincere developers. L4D for Randall on which platform? Randall's embarrassing revelation of time spent in the Capital Wasteland. More time spent talking about that damn Bethesda game. Ben's pathetic excuse for not having played FO3. Why can't journalism majors be like Ben is, perfect in every way? Wottsamatta with journalism majors today? http://insulinfunk.net is live, and is hacked immediately. News from New Cypress. Wes's penetrating insights into the life of an "insertion engineer." The Amazon Kindle considered. The BlackBerry Bold, or the Apple iPhone? Ben makes the decision! Randall needs a haircut. The newly famous JPAGPJAG and more than you wanted to know about its production history. Ben gets a final plug in for 30 Rock on Netflix.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood. New Cypress News music excerpted from "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network (http://music.podshow.com).

In this 76-minute tour de force, hosts Wesley Johnson, Yaniv Pereyaslavsky, James Gillard, and Randall Smith talk language, food, games, art, and The Mighty Boosh.

Show Notes:
A Russian introduction, courtesy of the family. A brief bit about languages in general, and of the hosts' various fluencies in specific. An anecdote concerning studying Japanese, which still rankles Randall. Russell Peters plugged. Tali coughs up a hairball, and reminds Wesley of good times. A report on The Mighty Boosh stage show, followed by a diverting discussion of the act in all its mediums, delivered by James. Randall asks James for the best way to begin appreciating The Boosh. The trials and travails of Yaniv's network and 360 hardware. Yaniv gets a job at Future Shop, but sees no sign of the purported 65nm Jasper 360 console. Fable II discussed, and questions fielded regarding Pub Games and debt. Black Friday stories; Randall disappointed in his hunt for L4D. Wesley reveals that he watches My Name is Earl. James hits the brotherlode of PS2 games, and swipes the lot. Wesley playing Jet Grind Radio, and assorted Dreamcast games galore. Yaniv and the crew talk World War Z. Randall still playing FO3. Wes remembers Chicago dogs with fondness; James extols the virtues of Marmite on his homemade burgers. The JPAG Secret Santa: international preferences discussed. Games as art revisited, and the definition of art disputed. Randall offers to be a subjective journalist, to all publishers of good games. Wes gets caught podcasting at the office on the weekend.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

In this the thirteenth episode of this here show, hosts James Gillard, Marie Barnes, Wesley Johnson, Clayton Ashley, and Randall Smith edutain you, Gentle Listener, with subjects various and sundry for 101 dynamite minutes.

In this show:
Dragonslayer. Clayton relates an intriguing tale of pirates foiled, rather than relate something interesting about himself. Marie offers more comic book ideas, finishes Fallout 3, and plays Fable II. Clayton comes back with a perverted Penny Arcade achievement regarding a pachyderm's package. James scoffs at the NXE; James also going to see The Mighty Boosh live. James steps away to to accept a delivery; the show pauses on hold. Randall still playing Fallout 3, and the Left 4 Dead demo; deciding which platform on which to play L4D. Steve Jackson games, recommended (in particular, Munchkin and Chez Geek). Wes's adventures in Chicagoland: shows, food, sites, scams, and stores. Wes does not recommend the Mirror's Edge comic. Why you should drive to Stonehenge rather than take the tour bus, whatever your attitude toward metal. Comparing experiences at the Sears Tower. What shoes not to wear for pedestrian touring. Clayton begins a far-ranging discussion of notable erudition, concerning games as art, which Randall eventually kills. One last tale from Wes concerning his brutalizing an NPR host. Appreciation for Ben Gilbert on the Joystiq Podcast. JPAG photoshops appraised oh-so-briefly. A tasteless ending.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

In Episode Twelve of this here podcast, Wesley Johnson, Matt Joseph, Dalibor Dimovski, Scott Reeser, and Randall Smith entertain you, Gentle Listener, for 91 action-packed minutes. In this show:

A traditional Macedonian opening. Introductions by Scott, Matt, and Dalibor. Scott has two degrees to his credit, and a job he dislikes to his debit. Stories of dishonorable achievements. Scott called to task for his non-contributions to JPAG photochops. Scott plugs his site scoresetter.blogspot.com, with very little prompting. Matt dispels the myth of persistent snow, and pulls back the curtain ever so slightly on the underworld of disreputable gamerscore boosting. Dalibor pimps his Macedonian social site, Maklink.com. The Watchmen trailer discussed. Dragonslaying in Fallout 3, Quantum of Solace, and Final Fantasy IV. Left 4 Dead: Steam or XBL? That is the question, particularly if you are in the JPAG Steam group. Whichever version you choose, *don't* shoot the Witch. Matt disparages Left 4 Dead, and Randall threatens to edit his comments out. As usual, the threat is idle. Matt discovers streaming music on the 360. GH: World Tour surprisingly disappointing. NXE features appraised by Randall, who alone among the hosts has the preview, a scant five days prior to the public release. Wes previews his week in Chicago. Everyone breaks for Sunday dinner.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

In this seemingly endless eleventh installment of the JPAG Show, Wes, Matt, Dan, Randall and Jonah talk about a boatload of sundry items.

Self-publishing for comic authors discussed. Jonah plugs the Emerald City Comic-Con in Seattle. A shout out to Snohomies. Used games stores discussed as the drugs kick in. Dan represents for this and that. Turns out this = Tribe Called Quest, and that = Arizona residency. Matt reveals his quotidian existence, and his culpability in the current financial crisis. Alf receives the first of two mentions. Matt's musical tastes, explored, and current rotation listed. A plug from Wesley for Young at Heart. Yo Gabba Gabba recommended. Wes tries to commandeer the show to plug one of his favorite bands. A portrait of Matt M. as a young gamer. Exclusive: a pro tip for acing Pitfall on the Atari 2600; doubles as a pro tip for a lame Christmas. Matt tricked by CG bait-and-switch advertising for the PS1. A comparative study of RROD stories. The limited lifespan of gaming communities on the 360. Dragonslayers of all sorts, from alien blaster acquisition to a glorious 62-yard freefall. Fallout 3 gushed over some more. Matt finishes Dead Space, loves it, sells it. Griefing videos, briefly considered. Alf mentioned again, along with a biography of the series creator and the film adaptation by Ben Stiller. Jonah explains LBP from Alpha through Beta to Zed, to a bunch of people envying him. Dan reveals that he A) owns a huge Millenium Falcon, and B) wants to trade it for a PS3. Matt's emails: seriously, what the hey? Matt's future creative efforts. Dan leaves prematurely for child-related reasons. Wesley shares a disquieting poem written to Marie, and we adjourn feeling weird, with no outtakes.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

In this 126-minute, all-week sucker of a podcast, hosts Dan Diemer, Marie Barnes, James Gillard and Randall Smith delve too deeply into the world of RPGs, in their various media.

In this episode: we see Marie has constructed a new computer; her skills are complete (indeed she is formidable, as the Emperor has foreseen; she is not, however, much attuned to case mod fashion trends). Comics and comic authors of note, discussed and recommended. Tabletop D&D, alive and well, and a behind-the-screens look at a first-time Dungeon Master. Konami Pro Evo Soccer's Legend Mode detailed, and the merits of team-based sports games debated. Fallout 3 experiences shared by everyone but Randall, who gnashes his teeth in frustration at Gamefly's tardy delivery. Character creation and stat allocation approaches compared. Gillard as wandering, waddling tinker in the Wasteland. Dan's scary school experience; Marie's spare approach to item acquisition. PC vs. console gaming discussed, in reference to both FO3 and Team Fortress 2. Randall debates switching to TF2 on Steam, and Dan encourages him. This week in JPAG Discussion, reviewed, and photoshops appraised.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

Episode Nine, hosted by Wesley Johnson, Clayton Ashley, Yaniv Pereyaslavsky, Dan Gillard, and Randall Smith, is recorded and released to you, Gentle Listener, within the shockingly small span of a mere twelve hours.

In this show: a new host draws near. Dragonslayer, wherein is revealed that Clayton's playing Portal Flash, Yaniv's playing Fable II, Wesley is playing Dead Space, Dan is playing COD4, Randall is playing Oblivion, and chronic underachiever James Gillard continues his streak of accomplishing nothing. Dan Diemer hangs around just long enough to pimp his own show I Am Error before leaving. James Gillard takes Dan's place shortly thereafter. Clayton looks back on the halcyon days of the LBP Beta. James sells one system to acquire another, all for the sake of Sackboy. Yaniv pours contempt on the other hosts in several doses. Randall contemplates kicking Yaniv from the call, but reconsiders. Randall regrets reconsidering at several moments. The week in the JPAG reviewed: Stegosaurus Gun video, Word Association, and Games Advertising discussion threads re-capped. Clayton resolves to contribute to the dwindling number of photoshop contributions. Wesley does not know how to say goodbye.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood. Banner adapted from Dan Diemer's "I Am Error" webcomic.

In this Special Edition podcast, Randall randomly capitalized Certain words in the first Sentence of the Shownotes. Hosts from the X3FFDF: Richard Elliot, Holly Attesi. Hosts from the JPAG Show: Wesley Johnson and Randall Smith. This show is a run-up to the Extralife Benefit on Saturday, October 18th, and so despite quite a bit of Shandyan rambling, the hosts finally manage to get to the charitable point. Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Addict" by George Wood.

In this eighth episode, Randall carries on with Jarret Green, James Gillard, Richard Elliott, Holly Attesi, and not Wesley, who is at a con in Ohio. Yes, we know this is not Episode Seven. Episode Seven is on the way, Alex and Nick. Meanwhile, in this show:

The show starts with a near-hijacking. Guests introduced, grudgingly. The actual method whereby guests are secured for the JPAG Show, revealed. Country-style eating described. Rolls, throwed, explained. The appeal of Lambert's, to which folks come from far and end up wide. A harrowing story of vegetarians among suspicious staff, retold. Jarret's educational background, chronicled. An exposition of fog as a motif in both The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Silent Hill, recapped. Dragonslayer moments all 'round, even including the underachieving James Gillard. Hobo fighting with feet, fraught with frustration. Little Big Planet Beta winning videos, discussed. Photoshops chatted up, and possible patches considered. Silence on the show, criticized in an absurd moment. Harmonix X3FFDF interview, pimped. A Google fight challenged and won. Reminders of Extralife benefit on October 18th. Two items from the Mailbag. Dream Rock Band DLC Discussion. Jarret's personal blogs plugged. A final note from Wesley.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Addict" by George Wood.

In this giant rollercoaster of a podcast in 97 sizzling minutes, Hosts James Gillard, Yaniv Pereyaslavsky, Wesley Johnson, and Randall Smith do their best to make up for how late the show is actually releasing to you, Gentle Listener. Yes, they know that the show was actually recorded on Saturday, September 20th, but it's a mark both of their commitment to and confidence in their work, and of their deep and abiding respect for you, that this the sixth episode in this here show is available now, here, in the present.

Now it's available.

Now it is.

Now.

In this show:

A professional start. An ITunes reviewer, taunted. Dragonslayer, derailed. British ales applauded. Canadian beer recommendations, offered by the underage. Dark Lord Day described. Yaniv caught playing games while podcasting. Cadets explained. Questionable survival exercises, detailed. Top ten rap songs based on video games, listed. James's bike, still at large. James gets a new bike. Or is it? Favorite photoshops discussed. Steven Fry's podgrams, plugged. Yaniv caught playing again. Oblivion Update: Randall still seeking Shadowmere; still running from bears. A startling revelation regarding Yaniv's feelings about the Joystiq Podcast. I Am Legend described in all its incarnations, literary and cinematic. I Am Legend's ending spoiled, in all its incarnations, literary and cinematic. Ludwig's eyebrows, brazenly cut and pasted. The JPAG Wall, measured and found insane. Audio freak out, experienced and blamed on Xbox Live games. Yaniv's motives for appearing on JPAG show questioned. Sarcastic Gamer's Extralife benefit plugged, and plugged again. Wesley joins Yaniv's Extralife team, and thrills listeners. The Myriad pimped, Muse dissed. GFW ends, and is mentioned again. Video podcasts: the disappointing truth. The worst games we have ever played, explored by request of James Parsons. Wesley's grandma's taste in novelty t-shirts. The entire structure of British primary school age divisions, explained. Boosting achievements for diabetic games. Yaniv's budding rivalry, revealed. Secret meaning of Yaniv's name, as found on Urban Dictionary and Google.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Addict" by George Wood.

In this 73-minute ode to professional game journalism, the JPAG Show takes it to the next level with an all-star team-up of industry insiders: Alex Raymond, noted PS3 console bigot and representative of a growing contingent of Garden State JPAGers; Yaniv Pereyaslavsky, who is taking a break from his Eagle Scout project in creative tannery; Clayton Ashley, who persists in podcasting with game pack-in headsets, much to his audience's chagrin; Wesley Johnson, now possessed of a new gamertag unsullied by the shadow of Avatar; and Randall Smith, who is fast distinguishing himself as the preeminent author of JPAG Show notes. Really, these are very good.

Features of the week: Dragonslayer, along with a quick comparison of Castle Crashers exploits. A report from PAX by Yaniv and Clayton, who both attended (along with Yaniv's dad, who is possessed of both a cruel heart and a clear perspective). An insolent email is handled by a surprise guest talent. A cereal recommendation is made.

EDITOR'S CHALLENGE: Clayton's crummy-yet-expensive bluetooth headset was so choppy that we had to bring in outside voice talent to overdub his lines at moments. And yet such is the mickle might of our audio mastering, and such is the mellifluous vocal artistry of our special guest talent, that I'll just bet you won't be able to spot those patches, Gentle Listener. I dare you to try!

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Addict" by George Wood.

In this 95-minute ramble, Wes and Randall hold down the fort, and take the opportunity to open it up for an international JPAG drop-in. Stephanie Adams joins from Japan for a few moments before skipping off to shop in Shinjuku and Akihabara, and James Gillard joins to regale us with his Lost Odyssey experience, tales of Southampton theft, and impromptu mic fumbling sounds.

What else is in this loosely managed episode? A bit of Fry, and a bit more of Fry. Discussion of Lost Odyssey, Death Race, improbable NASCAR drivers, and real NASCAR drivers with improbable names. A clarification regarding the use of the term "appreciation." An embarrassing achievement-related revelation. Evidence that Evidence: The Last Ritual is quite enthralling. Review of news reviewed in the Joystiq Podcast. The PS3's status as a buying decision. The Space Invaders art exhibit discussed and dismissed. A Diabetic Disciplinary Moment. Blueberry Muffintops explained for the international set. A competing declaration of cereal supremacy, straight from the UK. Chicago conflated with Phoenix. Yet another plug for GFW. Plugs for other shows, and for Neil Gaiman audiobooks. James Gillard takes a crack at being Henry Higgins, at James Lockwood's expense. The Gillard residence minus one crappy bicycle; Southhampton hopefully plus one semi-maimed thief. Options for new bikes considered. Wes's Xbox, located. Condenser mics discussed. A promise to explain Episode Three's absence, and to return to podcast again.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza.
Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Addict" by George Wood.

In this episode, which clocks in at just over an hour in length, the JPAG Podcast Group keeps avoiding an essential existential question. Segments include Whaddya Playin' / Dragonslayer, Whaddya Buyin', a discussion of JPAG discussions and certain recent podcast reviews, A Word From Our Sponsors, and a look at this week's photoshops. Randall gets confused over names, Chris gets censored, Chase gets weird -- again, Wes gets apologetic, and Special Guest Boy Clayton Ashley, a JPAG member and regular contributor to Gamingsteve.com, gets to regret his decision to show up.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Addict" by George Wood. JPAG Gamers for Truth music excerpted from "Balm" by Michael Mucklow, available on the Podsafe Music Network (http://music.podshow.com).

In this 36-minute magnum opening salvo, the JPAG Podcast Group gets going. The first installment of Whaddya Playin', Dragonslayer, Amateur Hour, and Weekly Review of the Weekly Review in News. Special appearance by JPAG Founder, President, and Spiritual Mentor James "Where's My Swag?" Lockwood.

Opening Music: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza.
Closing Music: excerpt from "8-Bit Addict" by George Wood.

And yes, Randall needs to quit recording in a cave.