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NOTE: The JPAG Show is moving. Make sure to update your feeds to http://jpag.podbean.com/feed in order to keep getting the latest. iTunes does NOT yet have the new info.

If a lifelong dream of yours is to listen to someone podcast into what sounds like a trumpet mute, then brace yourself, Gentle Listener, as you are about to get rocked. Hosts Jordan Wasilka, Matt McCormick, Justin McElroy, Ryan Gan, Chris Hill, Dali Dimovski, and Randall Smith deliver mixed quality audio in great quantities.

In this episode:
Welcome to all. Chris teaches English, maliciously, and thinks often of gaming while biking. Lego games great for all ages. Chris a teacher of Shakespeare. Peanut Gallery laughter. Justin tells us all about his two journalism awards for bidness writing. Why a theater degree is wholly unnecessary. A rude tongue-twister. Sidequesting.com update from Dali and Ryan. Jordan writing a podcast roundup on InsulinFunk, called Weekly Sound Check. Not much of an arguer. Matt catches high blood glucose, most likely from Wesley; now eating six square meals a day. Dragonslayer. Dali decorating the nursery in non-gaming theme; suggestions offered for recovering from this blunder. Randall gets a birthday present: Red Faction: Guerrilla from Dali and the folks at Sidequesting! Ryan should have bought Avatar. New Cypress News. Matt relates a real Dragonslayer, with Cooking Mama. The rest of the hosts feel dumb for complaining about food; fortunately, Shelley brings in brownies to cheer us up. A gaming abecedary. A last admission from Dali regarding photoshop fakery.

Related links:


Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. New Cypress News music: "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network.

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NOTE: The JPAG Show is moving. Make sure to update your feeds to http://jpag.podbean.com/feed in order to keep getting the latest. iTunes does NOT yet have the new info.

If you aren't filled with loathing for the hole of a town you call your own, Gentle Listener, then listen in as hosts Alexandre Ferreira, Wesley Johnson, Randall Smith, Matt Darrow, and Marie Barnes reveal the wonders of Algarve to you, such that never again will you lie in your own bed in contentment. Just pack up and go tour the joint already, why don't you?

In this episode:
An opening note from the Internet's own Matt. M. Alexandre Ferreira, Tourism Policeman, gamer, podcaster, major-league human billboard for Portugal. His Brazilian connection, punctuated by a thunderous exclamation point. Driving wheels considered, both as buying and building options. Matt gets his SF Tournament stick modded. Marie is actually a girl, WoW fools; stop wasting time in the chat channel and start raiding. If you're Horde, that is; Alliance players need not apply. The dangers of glomping. Dragonslayer. A discussion of the merits of the XBLA Magic: The Gathering game. Wes goes to see his friend Dan Smith AKA "The Listener" play. Advice on how to play in Marie's D&D campaign, straight from the DM herself. A discussion had re: games that take far too long to play, and piles of gaming shame. The shameful lack of Rock Band in Portugal, and the lack of anything to be done about it. The unfair burden of translation placed on Alex by GTA and a wife who does not speak English.

Related links:


Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. Matt's Announcement Music: “K Lounge” by The Four Bags, available on the Podsafe Music Network.

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May we offer you a few cosmic-ray-saturated olives, Gentle Listener? Or perhaps some radioactive matzah bread? Who knows what ethnically/religiously superpowered hijinks will ensue when chosen hosts Wesley Johnson, Jarret Green, Joel Meyerson, Randall Smith, and Tom Johnson take it way past mashugana.

In this episode:
Joel a biochemist, and an electron microscopist specialising in the molecular structure of viruses. Also able to reverse the bat-polarity and track cloaked starships. Joel a Tejas native, now in Maryland. More Five Guys appreciation. Tom a complete apostate for his silly stance on FFVII. Dragonslayer. Joel finds a novel way to play Uncharted with his significant other. Randall changes his mind about Prince of Persia, and changes Jarret's mind by spoiling the ending. Joel asks about getting back into fighting games. The 2009 Bulwer-Lytton fiction awards, read aloud severally. Jewish Super Heroes considered and admired, more or less. Bible man schlock found amusing. More irritation at the Oak Park Festival Theatre. Game anticipations for 2009. Long Island [re/se]ceding, a fact which does not disturb young Tom Johnson in the slightest. D&D campaign preparing; Wes names his character to connote insecurity.

Related links:
2009 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
Jewish Hero Corps
Bible Man
Oak Park Festival Theatre which Randall detests

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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If you've ever wondered why you bought that Benadryl, Gentle Listener, then tune in while hosts Wesley Johnson, Zach Tuttle, Russ Walsh, Sam Dixon, and Randall Smith induce aural motion sickness. Nobody's tough after 110 minutes of this, cargo pants or not.

In this episode:
A rocky start, but one that still incites envy, doesn't it, Gentle Listener? Zach Tuttle an oil rig man, and a 3D modeler to boot. The worst boat ride ever. There are no fish on the ocean floor, people: just buy the drilling equipment already. Zach a fan of derivative beat 'em ups. Sam recounts his big break in game journalism with some site Wesley has done on the side. Wesley's throat nodules huge, but hugely benign, to the relief of all. Russ creates the greatest banner ever, featuring a plushie Snufflupagus. The JPAG D&D campaign, and tales of dumb characters from campaigns past. Dragonslayer. Questionable gaming peripherals, and envy-inducing game peripherals. Day of the Tentacle recommended to those who missed it, like Zach and Randall. Appreciation for Justin's ripping the Double Helix guy a new one. Battlefield Heroes pimped big time. Randall complains about the outdoor theatre in Oak Park.

Related links:
Gamespress.com
Wesley Johnson's Throat Nodules Facebook Group
El Diablo Coffee Co. in Queen Anne, WA
The JPAG D&D campaign page
Q-Workshop (makers of awesome dice for roleplaying games)
Novint's Falcon game controller
Oak Park Festival Theatre which Randall detests

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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What happens when Randall leaves the show in the hands of people who run other sites and shows? This episode, that's what! Hosts Dalibor Dimovski, Chad Boyce, Ben Pack, Clayton Ashley, and Wesley Johnson will try to fill every possible moment of silence with a plug for their sites. Will it work, Gentle Listener?

In this episode:
Ben "Ben Pack" Pack is in fact Chris Grant, when it comes to Mass Effect impressions. Chad Boyce is freaking amazing, and has been clean for over three years. Good on ya, mate. iPhone games considered and recommended. InsulinFunk.net named a million times gratuitously. Sidequesting.com named a few times gratuitously. New Cypress News. Dali and Ryan get together in Chicago and drink with a DJ. Chad also a DJ. DJ Hero looking good, actually. Real DJs discussed. Transformers, Megan Fox discussed in a certain tasteless fashion. Other stuff I probably missed.

Related links:
NONE! NONE, damn your eyes!

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. New Cypress News music: "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network.

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Prepare to be edumacated and enlightenafied, Gentle Listener, as noted researchers Klee Baker, Wesley Johnson, E.J. Alcantara, Matt McCormick, and Randall Smith dive deep into the mysteries of science, bugs, games, and childish insights.

In this episode:
Matt attempts to get Randall to say that he did it perfectly; Randall rolls on. Microbiologist Kyle Baker finishing his sophomore year, researching mass zombification. Quick check re: microbiology chops. Kyle the Bug Nazi a Centipede player of old. Kyle says "intendo." Kyle henceforward to be known as "Klee." E.J. works for the Evil Empire. QA lead for Guitar Hero 5, CONFIRMED. The limits of QA feedback roles. E.J.'s favorite tester, and advice for software testers everywhere. A harrowing story of DS COD testing. E.J. is pretty good at drums on GH, except when he sucks. Also good at COD 4. E.J. soon to be married, actually. Wesley's latest account of dating, and then unsuccessfully lying to precocious children. A recap of Yaris damage. Wes going to PAX. Randall jealous. Matt pledges to attend PAX if Randall does. Randall more unhappy. Dragonslayer -- NDAs not included. Reference to Joystiq Podcast 99, when Wes discusses Infamous. Discontent with Prince of Persia. A heartwarming story of a dying child's wish to murder an animal.

Related links:
Baking Powder Submarine FAQ
World's Largest Baking Soda Volcano
A boy's last wish...TO KILL

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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Remember that madcap bunch of crazy funsters who were the X3F Fancast Defense Force? No? Well, take it from me, Gentle Listener, that show did exist once upon a time, long before the M.E.A.P., Go! Gaming Giant, or other spinoff franchises. What have they been up to lately? Find out on this episode!

In this episode:
The gang's all here, sort of. The Yaris jumped by a sneaky wall. Horrific run-ins with automatic glass doors. Richard tubercular no more! Randall recovers his dulcimer. Dragonslayer, featuring Holly Attesi. Patrick impressing potential employers with podcasting experience; potentially shooting himself in foot by listing Holly as reference, particularly in that he lists her job as "superhero." Go! Gaming Giant now has an awesome video show. E3 excitement for 360 owners. Beatles Rock Band controllers -- gonna buy that Gretsch, Patrick?

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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Once again the show has been left to the likes of not Randall, which effectively means that Alexander Bevier, Dan Diemer, James Gillard, Wesley Johnson, and Jordan Wasilka are calling the shots. And the shots they call will confound and amaze you, Gentle Listener.

In this episode:
Jokes, jests, and japes at Randall's expense. Alexander is not from French, but from Washingtonian. Goes to college on the cheap and writes toward an English degree. Wants to be Leonard Maltin of videogames. Dumb jokes about college names. Meet Alexander: PAX veteran, volunteer, enforcer, and Pokemon proponent. Also loves the single player experience. Dragonslayer. Knockoff toys and t-shirts. UFC game pleases Gillard, who is now resolved to take up mixed martial arts. Infamous discussed. James suggests that this is the year to take the plunge and buy a PS3. Wes agrees. Wii Punch-Out!!! hits the nail on the head, says Dan. The problem of originality in Wii game design. Insulinfunk.net plugged ad nauseum. PSP Go discussion. E3 hopes and fears. Fahrenheit. Dan complains of canine flatulence. Alan Wake debated. Wesley reads from a website. The dietary impacts of teleportation. Spider-man's powers considered from a realistic perspective. Wes's diabetic powers imagined at length. Marie's public/private D&D campaign posting. James big into Public Enemy lately. Other favorite groups discussed. Books about videogames introduced with flair by Alexander. The sad decline of John Romero. Megaman haiku. The Bioshock novel, and Bioshock 2. Ineffectively quieted ukelele strumming my fate in the background.

Related links:
Ryan O'Donnell's twitter feed
Masters of Doom
EGM Now!

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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Wondering where the show's been? Working its butt off, that's where. Fortunately for you, Gentle Listener, hosts Russ Walsh, Matt Darrow, Randall Smith, Richard Elliott, and Wesley Johnson are here to fill the void, late as they are.

In this episode:
Matt builds planes, likes fighting games. REALLY likes fighting games. First take of this episode lost in time. Russ crayoning, and a crayoning playground bully. Richard non-plussed by conversation so far. Now running G3 podcast, and writing for Go! Gaming Giant. Also kinda tubercular. Dragonslayers, emotional and otherwise. Five Guys burgers. Terrifying and/or hilarious Youtube videos. Gillard's bike swiped anew. Parody movies. Gulliver's Travels: a compendium of excremental onomatopoeia? Swift's misanthropy exemplified. More food descriptions than you can handle.

Related links:
Five Guys Burgers and Fries
Vin Diesel on helium (Friday Night with Jonathan Ross)
• Snuffleupagus's first terrifying appearance
Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus trailer
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Who is Jon Black? ("Gravity" theme from the Joystiq Podcast)
"The Lady's Dressing Room" (Poem by Jonathan Swift) at Poem of the Week
Zaxby's

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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Ever wonder what's it's like to go green? Then you're in luck, Gentle Listener. Hip[pie/ster] hosts Ben Udashen, Wesley Johnson, Nick Coffman, Jarret Green, and Randall Smith are here to hacky-sack with you. Indeed much of the show is dedicated to working out personal beefs/tofus.

In this episode:
Ben's a Dallas emigré, now residing in Olympia, Wa, and mostly games on his PC. Nick a native of Olympia now residing in Yelm, WA, and like Ben also at THE Evergreen State College. Nick is a cheapskate and only buys bargain games. Also, a bot-biased gamer. A brief appreciation of older games with bots. Great deals on Crackdown and other games at New Egg. Jarret implements Squash the Beef Friday in his classroom; has to explain concept repeatedly to un-hip students. Jarret not exactly bumping chests with fellow teachers. Jarret takes in a Flight of the Conchords concert; FoTC roundly appreciated by all. Wes returns from Spinal Tap: Unwigged & Unplugged, and provides a report. Also, meets a single flight attendant at the show. Jokes about joking about joking, at one another's expense. All roads lead to Yelm. Dragonslayer: Plants Vs. Zombies (Wes), Dragon Quest V (Ben), GTA: Chinatown Wars (Jarret), Fable II (Nick), and Crackdown (Randall). Cheap games at New Egg! Beard survey, taken and discussed. Beardlessness lamented by Nick, Jarret, and Randall; Wes and Ben content with their facial lots. Star Trek discussed. Randall recommends the Creative Screenwriting podcast with a caveat. Three out of four other hosts recommend Star Trek to Jarret; three out of four other hosts think Nick Coffman is an unappreciative clod. Star Wars One-Minute Fanfic Theatre. Nick Coffman just a bit too eager to pen Angel fanfic. Lost ending debated, and the word "poutrage" makes an appearance. Note: our hosts this week mistake the statue on the island as Anubis; it's clearly identified elsewhere as Sobek.

Related links:
• Newegg games under $10 (360/PS3)
• Beards.org beard survey
Creative Screenwriting Magazine's blog/podcast
Star Wars fanfiction at starwarschix.com

Music:
Manualist performance of Twentieth Century Fox theme by R.A. Wilson, viewable here. Manualist performance of Star Wars Cantina theme by Gerry Phillips, viewable here. Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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What's in this episode, you ask? Who knows? Not me, Gentle Listener. Hosts Oscar Mancia, Holly Attesi, Dan Diemer, Wesley Johnson, and Yaniv Pereyaslavsky do, though, and they are about to lay it on you. Oh, the suspense!

In this episode:
Oscar the greatest drummer the JPAG Show has ever known. A big Wii fan, and unimpressed with the 360. Holly heads to Maine for vacation; has no chow-daa. It's not like that, Gentle Listener. Based on voice, Holly possibly a burly man; Mike Tyson used as point of reference. Holly acquires a green DS Lite; predictions of regret made. Oblivion mods discussed, yearned for. Fallout 3 a depressing place to game, apparently. Dan wants fauna and flora; also wants to kill Moira. Wes's despotic boss not a "tyrant," he claims. Wolverine commercial cameo. Yaniv, Dalibor Dimovski, and Ryan Gan now powering SideQuesting.com. Dali headed to E3! Dan explains why Randall is missing this week. Yaniv guarantees he will never be on another JPAG Show. Dan takes advantage of background noise to nosh. 3D Realms's death, discussed. Duke Nukem Forever = Chinese Democracy of games. 1 VS 100 considered. Oscar goes to see Maps and Atlases, and is impressed. Wes takes a leave of absence for several critical minutes, and returns to discuss forum postings. Battlefield Heroes enthusiasm. Appreciation for Twitter. The perks of a man on the inside at Gamestop.

Related links:
Cygnus (Oscar's Band)
SideQuesting.com
Maps and Atlases

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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Wondering what you should be doing right about now, Gentle Listener? Asking yourself where you can pick up some phat game tunes? Wishing more podcasts began and ended with dereliction of duty by the host? Hosts Matt McCormick, Jesse Gregory, Clayton Ashley, Matt Wetzel, and Randall Smith aim to scratch those itches, GL, and their aim is true.

In this episode:
Identity theft. The etymology of vittles, and what happens when Randall leaves to go consult the OED. A disturbingly cerebral story of flatulence. Matt wrapping up the term and the papers thereunto associated. Jesse Gregory AKA Mainfinger AKA JG-05, pimps his album Mode 7. Turns out it's awesome, actually. Clayton now running Jayplay at the Kansan. A tale of journalistic fraud. The return of Matt M. Dragonslayer! Hydrox origin stories. DS buying decisions, revisited. Nightmares of console acquisition remembered. The New Cypress news, delivered by Matt M; faithfulness to actual text somewhat in question. Moral controversy in war games considered. A brief lexical symposium re: "plethora." Tom De Haven's It's Superman! recommended.

Related links:
Mode 7 (Album) at Mainfinger.com
• Wikipedia entries: Samurai Shodown / Klonoa: Door to Phantomile / Hydrox cookies
Jayplay (U of Kansas Newspaper)
It's Superman! by Tom De Haven
Gallery of Regrettable Food at lileks.com

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. New Cypress News music: "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network.

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Feeling a bit left out, Gentle Listener? Wondering just what you have to do to win friends and influence JPAGers? Despairing that anyone will ever truly know you? Fret no longer, Friend. Hosts Scott Reeser, Wesley Johnson, Randall Smith, and Tom Johnson are here to invite you into the inner circle. And if you don't come willingly, Zach the Giant will squash you into a bloody pulp, wipe you off his boot, and toss you into the garbage like a leftover Slurpee. Also, don't try stealing from him.

In this episode:
Updates from one and all. Scott and Zach playing WoW; Tom enjoying the corner office at the student paper. Wes gives one last update on the romance angle, which is immediately put into perspective by Tom's own story of S.O. horror. Dragonslayer returns in full! Randall eats last week's words re: Assassin's Creed. Subtle attempts to determine whether or not Zach is a possible angle on getting early games. Fifty Cent: BoTS still a great game, says Tom. Wes enjoys Ninja Blade in much the same way. Achievements as a thang discussed, again. Randall wants a weighted achievement cred algorithm. Sequels and tired franchises, considered. Notable JPAG discussion threads discussed. Overlooked gems in this-gen games. A slang dictionary for the youth ministry set. New Cypress News, a year in arrears. The JPAG an inhospitable place for newcomers? Hazing rituals for noobs.

Related links:
The Source 4 YM - Slang Dictionary
Mike Tyson's Brunch Out!!

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. New Cypress News music: "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network.

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It's an ill-fated overcrowded show, whose hosts include Sam Dixon, Wesley Johnson, Russ Walsh, Kyle Collis, Dan Diemer, and Randall Smith. The show itself pays the price for their technical hubris, choosing a particularly unfortunate moment to cease recording. Oh well, Gentle Listener: you've certainly heard worse, and on this show, too. Come to think of it, given last week's ramble-a-thon, it might be for the best anyway.

In this episode:
Sam Dixon has an Xbox video card failure. He also fails to pick up on Randall's tone of jest in suggesting he "power through it". Anticipation for Brutal Legend building. JPAG Show time is not pots and pans time, Shelley. Shelley proves intractable. Insulinfunk pimped.The design of Insulinfunk ridiculed, in a transparent reverse-psychology move by Diemer. Kyle Collis from American Football Predecessor, UK. Kyle studying computer game design at university, learning to tighten up graphics on level three. Wes's dating woes: an update. Wes's dad still lost in Yaris delirium. Randall makes a veiled crack at expense of the Columbus meet-up. The allusion goes unnoticed. Dan raiding bargain bins for games. A brief transition from Assassin's Creed into LOL meme possibilities. Roy laments the loss of most of this week's Dragonslayer. Thanks, Pamela, for a tech glitch that saved our audience from boring discussion of iPhone games.* This week in JPAG discussion: games you have lied about finishing. Disney characters -- why should anyone care? Dreamworks and Pixar: imitation as the sincerest form of venality. Tweets reviewed, and the return of Matt M to form in that medium. Twitter a hostile work environment for limerick writers, claims Dan. Creative Screenwriting podcast recommended. Dan watching Firefly, and applauded for doing so. The official hat of the Hero of Canton admired. Media remote for 360 recommended by Dan. Domo Kun explained to the uninitiated. In a weird inversion, Russ throws out a Zork reference that goes completely uncaught by Randall and Wes. Casting choices for Captain America, considered. The Battlefield Heroes beta, exciting Dan.

*Disclaimer: No, Randall does not have an iPhone. He is obviously bored by it, and wouldn't even accept it if offered one for free. Probably.

Yeah, that's right.

What?

Related Links:
"Tightening Up the Graphics"
The Difference Between Pixar and Dreamworks
Creative Screenwriting Podcast
Jayne Hoodie at Think Geek
Lego Leap of Faith (used for this week's banner)

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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It's taken thirty-two episodes to get any South African ingredients, Gentle Listener, but at last, your short order is cooked up and ready. And it's biggie-sized, not only because it features Ben Pack, Wesley Johnson, Ludwig Kietzmann, and Randall Smith, but also because it's twice as long as usual.

In this episode:
New folks sized up and welcomed. Pikmin joke gets lost on everyone but Ludwig, who silently resents being unappreciated. Ben spins a tall tale or two about life and journalism. Wes laments getting dumped by someone way too young for him anyway. Possible final dumper/dumpee exchanges discussed. An update on the development of Wingdamage.com. Why hasn't Ludwig been on the show yet? Ludwig is a blogger, not a game "journalist." Ludwig's favorite company vis-a-vis PR. Ludwig's actual role at Joystiq, and what he loves the most to do: write. The man who reads every single word on the site. A few questions about coaching writers, from an editorial perspective. A challenge to the JPAG to appreciate Ludwig's attention to detail and grammar. Dragonslayer! Dreamcast games then and now. The Emerald City Comicon, and Jonah's fantastic experience at it. Bryan Lee O'Malley's Scott Pilgrim plugged by Randall. The good videogame movies, listed by good videogame movie expert Ludwig K. A slight detour into Raul Julia appreciation, that ends with a venomous recommendation. A high-falutin' discussion of games to be played versus games to be gamed, using Iroquois Pliskin's blog as a starting point.

Links noted:
LivingXL
Wingdamage.com
Scott Pilgrim
Versus CluClu Land
The Geek Hierarchy

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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Of all the faults this here show may be said to have, Gentle Listener, I hope it may not be accused of being overly direct and to the point. To wit: 130 minutes of Shandyian rambling await you, but hosts James Gillard, Wesley Johnson, Clayton Ashley, Rob Coleman, and Randall Smith are intent on conveying you to nowhere in the most fashionable method possible. Righty-O!

In this episode:
Rob Coleman: father, gamer, and financier of death. The pitfalls of parenting a young gamer, with no precedents for digital moderation. A fond look back at the early days of the JPAG. Russ Walsh's odd "appreciation" for James. Clayton introduces us to the Name of the Year Sweet Sixteen tournament. Wes's new wheels, and his dad's unseemly fixation on MPG ratings and perpetual automotive debt. Dragonslayer! The merits of GTA: Chinatown Wars. Which DS should you buy? The rise and fall of gaming communities, and the transcendent timelessness of the JPAG in comparison. A segue into the mind of fanboys. Clayton's insignificant book recommendation. The news from New Cypress. Chick Tracts as famous scare-vangelism. This week's JPAG memes: Omegle membership drive, and awesomely bad movies.

Links noted:
Name of the Year
Veeps: Profiles in Insignificance
Chick Tracts
Mazes and Monsters link at IMDB
New Cypress News Twitter Feed

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. New Cypress News music: "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network.

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Hosts for the first part of this show include Holly Attesi, Zachary Williams, Russ Walsh, Matt Wetzel, Jordan Wasilka, and Randall Smith. Hosts for the second, Columbus-y part? Wesley Johnson, Marie Barnes, and Jarret Green.

In this episode:
Zach, the gentle giant who becomes a raging jotun when he catches kids stealing at work. Moreover, a massive migrant, apparently, continually oscillating between Danieltown and the Chesapeake Bay area. Zach a fan of Rock Band. All hosts fans of Rock Band in comparison to Guitar Hero; Zach also a fan of The Sword. Matt Wetzel in school majoring in Political Science. Matt a diehard mouse and keyboard control guy, and thus a PC gamer. Jordan and Randall recount their latest Street Fighter IV clashes. Russ explains Bison Month at Eegra.com (whence our art for this week's banner and mp3 art comes). Dragonslayer! Zach wandering through Dracula's upside-down castle, abusing a candlestick for money. Russ cannot say "Broken Telephone" without his voice itself breaking up. Whole lot of Peggle playing going on. Potato chip crunching not appreciated on GDC Joystiq podcast #1. More blather about SFIV: Jordan paranoid about feedback. OnLive discussed again as a viable medium; arguments for and against. Discussion of Zelda, and the latest game announcement from GDC. The viability of the franchise in general, and how it might be improved. Minish Cap an expensive investment. Games in which the hosts have all the achievements (a very short discussion). Prototype and Modern Warfare 2 look great. Mega Man on the iPhone? Street Fighter Theme disappointing on iGoogle. Zach makes a plea for people to friend him; with any luck he will not have RROD'ed before he can accept.

And then it's off to Columbus to hang with Jarret, Wes, and Marie at the meet-up. What have they been up to? Only you will know, Gentle Listener, if you listen to the second half of this special episode.

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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It's the Chicago Meetup episode, and the twenty-ninth in this here show. The first part happens at Randall's place, and features TJ McKimmey, Jeff LeClerc, Ryan Gan, Dali Dimovsky, and Aaron Kirchhoff. The second part takes place at the Lincoln Tap Room in Lakeview, with three hours of beer for twenty bucks. Beat that, Columbus.

In this episode:
Introductions all around, and true confessions of pre-meeting anxieties. Dragonslayer. After a bit of discussion on Amazon's used games, some grousing about Gamestop's "new" games, E74 and RROD disasters, and a surprise vegetable delivery, the crew breaks for Rock Band. Action resumes at the Lincoln Tap Room, where several additional JPAGers make their appearances: Mike McGarrigle, Alvin Bataan, Ryan Mulvaney, Oscar Mancia, and every woman who had to use the Ladies Room while we played Rock Band.

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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In this episode, hosts Jordan Wasilka, Marie Barnes, Wesley Johnson, Patrick Young, and Randall Smith chat you up, Gentle Listener, and chat about chatting you up in person. That is, when they aren't talking over one another or arguing about which meet-up is better.

In this episode:
An early attempt to exorcise the urge to interrupt one another, staged. Say hello to Jordan and Patrick. The delights of reading Ray Bradbury, newly discovered by Jordan. The film version of Fahrenheit 451 recommended, in poor taste, by Wesley. The Dark Knight Returns preferred to The Watchmen, by Jordan and Randall. Both expect serious flaming. Batman vs. Superman, a better face-off than Batman vs. The Joker. Neither as compelling as Jordan vs. Justin on Fable 2, newly posted on InsulinFunk. Patrick, a consummate Rock Band gee-tarist, and a newly appointed administrator of Go! Gaming Giant and a new host of the G3 podcast. Vega, a terrible character in Street Fighter IV; also, Vega players terrible people. Yodel that, Wasilka. Marie still in the hunt for a job in the game industry -- send any prospects her way, folks. Good games for playing while sick. Wes heading to see Superdrag. Shadow of the Colossus appreciated. Magic the Gathering victory, related by Marie using vocal leetspeak. Halo Wars and other console strategy games discussed. Being wrong, demonstrated by Randall several times for the sake of illustration. Street Fighter IV gripes, entertained. XBL Gold not a Homeric gift from Randall to his wife. Really. The extended and rigorous examination process used to qualify potential JPAG Show candidates. The Chicago and Columbus meet-ups contrasted, much to the credit of the Chicago meetup. It really helps that I write these notes. Review of JPAG Photoshops, and notable discussion threads.

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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Yeah, so it's late. You gotta problem with that, buddy? If so, take it up with hosts Wesley Johnson, Russ Walsh, Jonah Gregory, Jeff LeClerc, and Randall Smith. I'm sure they'll just looooove to hear your complaint.

In this show:
A brief, freedom-flavored correction of pronunciation. Jeff, the former actor turned computer student. Jeff learned to play mandolin in eight easy weeks of instruction, and may play "Little Wing" for you as soon as he gets his own instrument. The return of Russ, to issue a correction and do his folks proud. Another appearance by Jonah, here to pimp his new show and comic release. Retrogame Challenge appreciated by Russ. Russ takes his Shakespearean wits for a walk, at the expense of the rest of the hosts; gosh, he's great. More about the creator of Johnny Platform's Biscuit Romp. Eternal Darkness appreciated. Randall's Street Fighter complaints. Jonah's suggestion: beat Dragon's Lair for a Dragonslayer. All about Wingdamage.com and Barrel Roll, its podcast. But wait, there's more Jonah: the new Here There Be Robots collection now available in trade paperback! Jeff pimps the 3/21 Chicago JPAG meetup at the Lincoln Tap Room. Confirm, folks, confirm for the date. Do it now, in the JPAG. A typically empty promise to edit out extraneous conversation. Amazon deals, which Jeff has been all over. An open call for more reviews of community games.

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from "Shapes" and "Scared Straight," by The Long Winters. You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Songs used by permission, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk.

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The show returns to quality, at least from an audio perspective. Hosts James Gillard, Wesley Johnson, Russ Walsh, Clayton Ashley, and Randall Smith gibber and jabber about jelly, G-Unit, and games of all sorts, and do so in the context of new theme music to boot.

In this episode:
Russ lives in boring, periodically-invaded-by-Mongols Eastern Washington. Clayton working at the paper, and we are all looking forward to the Watchmen movie. James bangs around on his desktop through the episode. James working on a curriculum integrating use of Rock Band and/or Guitar Hero in his school. James puts Randall down for uttering the trademark sounds and sound effects from Little Britain. "Help the Police" from Rush Hour pimped. James's karaoke success. Clayton not following Battlestar Galactica, like a chump. Clayton over the moon on Noby Noby Boy, and still enthused about Homeworld. Wesley playing Fiddy's BoTS. Ben Gilbert's life in danger. The latest gems from the New Cypress News. Murderous book recommendations. Hatred for Edison and love for Tesla, in some detail. Great Sci-Fi movies never made, and the book that tells all. Crank recommended. The premise for the sequel to Crank questioned. The progress of the Chicago JPAG Meetup. The disappointing absence of Wes at the Chicago JPAG Meetup. Inappropriate photos on the JPAG. The amusing other Joystiq fan group and Russ's infiltration thereof. Threads in the JPAG, from "Who'da Thunk It?" to "Redemption in Games."

Music:
Intro and outro music excerpted from songs by The Long Winters, courtesy of Barsuk Records. Intro from "Shapes"; outro from "Scared Straight." You can find both songs on their CD When I Pretend to Fall. Thanks to both John Roderick of TLW and Emily Alford at Barsuk. This week's art an homage to Shawn Wolfe's art design for the WIPtF album.

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In an extremely irritating twist, an update to Skype resets our recorded audio format to the lowest possible quality. No, Gentle Listener, this week's hosts Randall Smith, Wesley Johnson, Benjamin Gilbert, Matt McCormick, and Jarret Green did not record the show into a coffee can or trumpet mute, howsoever difficult you may find it to credit that assertion after hearing the show.

In this episode:
A Morning Zoo opening. The origin and proper pronunciation of "Mattholomew," detailed. Jokes at the expense of diabetics, made by diabetics. What Jarret's been up to: his neck in snow, for a week, apparently. Ben types loudly. Jarret enjoying a 7-minute commute; no longer enjoying podcasts to any great extent. A promise to liveblog/ustream the amputation of his feet, made by Wes, in the event he comes to that pass. Jarret recommends the new M. Ward CD, and is seconded by Matt. Ben is mistaken for that guy from Death Cab for Cutie. Ben reports from his time writing for Joystiq. He is a busy man, and reads other sites far less frequently. Ben's Xbox still at MS. He finished watching Band of Brothers, and was blown away. The fate of Matt's repaired 360, disclosed; also revealed, Matt's wife's suspicious disposition. Craig's list produces a trade for a slightly used Ipod Touch, battery not included. Sketchy references to To Catch a Predator. Wes playing Retrogame Challenge. Wes steps into HDTV land -- Woot! Wes out of debt. Ben on MGS4 and Pixeljunk Eden, but not on Flow'r. Noby Noby Boy described in the most prurient fashion imaginable. Jarret playing text games and loving them. Randall plugs PercussONE, having played and enjoyed it. Street Fighter IV blathered on about at length, including comments on controller choices. Matt gets to the end credits in Burnout Paradise, having reached an A-Level license. Has glitchy fun with GTA: The Lost and the Damned. And then the hosts of this here episode consider the questions raised in Part Two of Shawn Elliott's Symposium severally.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

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Because he hadda open his fat mouth, Robin Gillham was dragooned into helping host this week's extremely JPAG-focused show, alongside Tom Johnson, Randall Smith, and Wesley Johnson. Not enough JPAG, you say? Blame Robin, this week! At least, until he drops from the show.

In this episode:
Rob's reasons for not appearing on the show to date, explained. Robin in 6-form. Finds English literature to be very demanding; interested in Biology, but more interested in the comparatively easier field of politics. Robin 17 going on 18. Has his exams in two months time -- not looking forward to it. Robin from Chester, an old town with old buildings. Robin a recent PS3 acquirer. Robin claims to know German, but "forgot." Knows a suspicious-sounding German insult. Tom Johnson now in school again, and being charged without credit for painful math experiences. Now also playing the part of copyeditor for the school newspaper. His website, http://scriptedevents.com, getting underway, and to focus on original content. Looking for more people to help, he is. Some advice and commiseration from Wesley, founder and chief shill for http://insulinfunk.net. Killzone 2 discussed as a competent shooter. Operation Anchorage appreciated by Wesley. The travails of the Nuka-Cola Challenge. Already obsolete references to the L4D sale at Steam. Randall managing to collect the shreds of his dignity and give props to Clayton et al for the epic pwnage of L4D. Dave Trevaskis now persona non grata. South Africans still beating their schoolchildren. Tom playing Audiosurf. Tom gets an A on his paper about notable press personalities AKA Justin McElroy. Justin's tree-hating post in the JPAG, and his Shorty Awards acceptance speech for the visually impaired. An anecdote of a false burglar alarm and a genuinely disconcerting lack of response from police, as told by Wesley. Randall narrates a vignette from days of his youth in support of the claim that roundhouse kicks and fire alarms do not mix well. Conventions, the stars that attend them, the fans who want pictures with those stars, and the dollars in the pockets of said fans forked over to said stars for said pictures. The Chicago JPAG Meetup pre-empted by a cooking class. Robin Gillham pre-empted by technical difficulties. Matt M's challenge to the JPAG: what to do with a repaired 360 console? Tom Johnson's early response to the question: give it to him, the poor sap. A highly suspicious email read.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

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This the twenty-thirde episode of this here show features the listenable likes of Yaniv Pereyaslavsky, Clayton Ashley, Marie Barnes, Wesley Johnson, and Randall Smith. Some of us would have preferred to stay in bed, some of us should have stayed in bed, and some of us sound as if we did in fact stay in bed for the entirety of this 83-minute show.

In this episode:
Clayton conducting boring interviews at school. Marie playing Magic the Gathering, and building a control deck. A what? Marie explaining MtG deck creation. Marie fears she bores you, Gentle Listener; you protest otherwise. Randall makes another idle threat to edit out offensiveness. All about Go! Gaming Giant, and what Yaniv is up to now. An Episode the Fifthe joke becomes a sudden reality. A dilatory Doritos discussion. Clayton lists his Dragonslayer in Far Cry 2 fashion. Clayton reveals Drop 7, a game regarded by Randall as more properly named Drop 666. Randall continues to play L4D, and continues to painfully eke out achievements. Wes plays handhelds in the dark. Marie enjoying No More Heroes, thanks to Secret Santa Jeff Mondloch. The New Cypress News, and a Spirit-filled interjection in another column. Marie's Top Ten Lines Former Boyfriends Should Have Said, Instead of What They Did Say, the Bums. Yaniv gets in a last-minute plug for Go! Gaming Giant.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood. New Cypress News music: "Freja's Breakdown" by Freja Bluegrass Band, available on the Podsafe Music Network (http://music.podshow.com).

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This week drops megaton after megaton in 122 planet-busting minutes, thanks to the dead-on accuracy and skill of audio bombadiers Wesley Johnson, Ben Gilbert, Matt McCormick, Randall Smith, and Chris Grant.

In this episode:
Chris living in a box. Beer tastes compared. The absurd distribution method of beer in Philadephia, lamented, and its deleterious effect on trying new snob beers.

The virtues of Sam's Wine and Spirits, extolled. Why Wes does not drink, and how he achieves the same effect without alcohol. An amusing story of Wes imperiling people with automobiles and catatonic trances. Ben's machine RRODs, after an abortive RB2 tour. Chris revising his story, admitting to living in several boxes.

Randall's bathroom a disaster. Chris and Randall compare notes on power tools. A brief nervous dart into manly sports discussion, thankfully over quickly, and transitioning immediately in virtual manliness with Dragonslayer. Ben playing MGS4, on Chris' borrowed PS3. Ben not into stealth gaming; Chris not into Ben not being into stealth gaming. Chris initially not into Fallout 3; Chris now into Fallout 3, and out of time. Not playing Fable II anymore, and glad to be off the juice. Please do not bring the subject up, lest he fall off the wagon. Wes glad to be A) not frozen in ice, and B) able to game at all. Playing Chrono Trigger on the DS. Apparently there are folks with thicker accents than Wes. Matt playing a ton of Eternal Sonata, to free himself up to play a ton of Lost Odyssey. Reveals his favorite emails written by himself. Randall playing L4D, witnesses a formative moment in the life of a soon-to-be-foulmouthed youngster. L4D tactics discussed. Ben wondering what kind of computer he needs to play L4D on Steam.

Megaton Revelation! A new Joystiq employee. That employee wonders what his job actually might be. That employee is charged with coffee retrieval, and behind-the-scenes wiki updating and organization. Joystiq comments, and the long-lasting scars of early days. Ideas for efficiently managing Joystiq trolls. That new employee actually directs listeners on how to handle comments.

All things Ultrastiq, deliberated. Chris talks about stuff that he isn't supposed to say; then lowers his voice. That new employee now has Banhammer access. The risks of audience reception with any redesign, considered. Fanboy sites merge with Joystiq to form Devastator. Chris's girlfriend revealed as a Scrabble addict, and sometime hustler. Justin now Reviews Editor. Chris reading Haruki Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. Banana Yoshimoto's N.P. suggested. The Omnivore's Dilemma a read mandated by both Matt and Chris. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell lauded yet again. Wesley recommends Wal-Mart romance fantasy favorite Heart of the Dragon, supposedly in irony; irony suspect. Names for Dave and Charly's youngun, brainstormed. Malt-O-Meal cereals discussed.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.

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In this 95-minute instantly available show, hosts Aaron Kirchhoff, Wesley Johnson, Holly Attesi, James Gillard, and Randall Smith fight the horrors of irregularly available entertainment. Off and on, anyway.

In this episode:
Aaron Kirchhoff - Vet in the making; also interested in "exotics." This term never defined on-air for reasons of decency. His educated opinion on the question of canine afterlife. The inadvisable inhalation of pipe smoke. Aaron's home remedy for 360 disc read problems. Aaron squeezing the last drop of life out of each game. Aaron the curmudgeon? No, just shy and silently hating you. A quick tally of fistfight records among the hosts. James's Fable II fighting record not nearly as impressive as his real-life fighting record. James playing LucasArts games. Wes playing Evidence: the Last Ritual. The virtues of a mic pop screen implicitly extolled. James reformed by his spouse in Fable II; Fallout 3 not as morally compelling. Randall still playing L4D, and really bad. Randall's poor performance a source of hope and inspiration to Aaron and James. The Sunday L4D game meetup. A JPAG Game Night calendar created (http://jpaggamenight.brianweis.net/), courtesy of Brian Weis. A belated discussion of Christmas Invasion reception by Joystiq commenters. James irritated by the dry forum in the JPAG. Johnny Platform's Biscuit Romp, heralded by James as a long-awaited answer to his plea for more Battenberg cake inclusion in games. Battenburg cakes, explained, and linked to James' mysterious past. Biscuits on either side of the pond. Notable links to biscuitpedia-type sites. Mornington Crescent explained, in a manner of speaking. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, lauded by James. Thrilling stateside access to Red Dwarf on Netflix. James envious, and called a smeghead by Randall. Then, James gets dropped. King of Kong, appreciated by Randall. Primer, recommended by Wes. Holly Attesi elected the most popular JPAG Show guest host. Suspicion cast upon the circumstances surrounding said election. Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler - a champion, contends James. Gamestop lending practices debated again.

Music:
Opening: excerpt from "Hail to the Chief" by John Philip Souza. Closing: excerpt from "8-Bit Junkie" by George Wood.